Month: December 2019

Christmas Eve

Another Christmas Eve has arrived. This is one night that always carries significant memories for me. We had a lot of traditions in my family, Christmas Eve has always been full of them for me. When I was younger, it meant gathering with my Dad’s side of the family. We would eat a large meal, exchange gifts and spend the night playing while the adults talked and laughed. One specific year there was even a visit from Santa Claus. All the kids were herded into my bedroom. We were told that we were not to look out of any windows no matter what. Of course, that only encouraged us to try our best but parents always seemed to interfere with our attempts. Soon there was a knock on the front door, and we were allowed out of the room. In walked Santa Claus who proceeded to give us each a goodie bag and remind us to get to sleep quickly tonight, so he could return with our presents.

Attending worship services on Christmas Eve also has important memories and traditions for me. While living with my parents, our congregation only worshiped at 11:00pm on Christmas Eve. We would gather in a darkened sanctuary where we would sing Christmas carols interspersed with readings of Scripture. Holy Communion was celebrated during the service. We would close the service by singing Silent Night while we lit handheld candles. When it was time to leave it would be midnight, or shortly after, and we would wish each other Merry Christmas. I always walked out of the church and searched the night sky for the Christmas star. Some years there would be snow falling as well.

After leaving worship, we would return home. My parents would allow me to open one gift before going to bed. Of course, I was steered away from anything real significant. I would open my gift and then prepare the plate of cookies and a glass of milk for Santa. Then I would head off to bed with the intention of staying awake, so I heard the sleigh bells on Santa’s sleigh. I was never successful in hearing those sleigh bells but would drift off to sleep thinking of what I heard at worship and what would await me in the morning.

This year is a year of new beginnings with Christmas Eve. Having moved since last Christmas and now in our new home for good, we are starting over. We are establishing some new traditions while we hold on to a few from our past. A worship service nearby will be our plans for this evening. While we have never attended worship with this congregation, we are confident that we will be reminded of God’s gift of love. I am sure that memories from the past will enter my thoughts.

Thinking about the significance of Christmas Eve in my life, I am reminded that it is in the celebration of the incarnation of God that I first encountered the depth of love God has for me and all creation. The idea that I am loved so much leading God to take human form so that I could relate to God in a way that makes sense to me is amazing.

I hope all of you have a meaningful and Spirit-filled Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  

Out of the Boat

Some years ago I led a discussion group who explored the book, If You Want to Walk on Water, You Have to Get Out of the Boat, written by John Ortberg. Ortberg used the passage from Matthew 14 in which Jesus comes to the disciples who are caught on the water during a storm on the Sea of Galilee. Jesus challenges Peter to get out of the boat and walk on the water to him. Peter begins the journey but becomes afraid and starts to sink. When Peter calls out for Jesus to save him, Jesus lifts him out of the water, and they safely return to the boat and the other frightened disciples. Ortberg presents the understanding that in order to achieve something great, we have to be willing to take the risk of getting out of our “boat” and following Jesus’ voice.

I have always found the passage from Matthew to be somewhat intimidating. I can easily relate to Peter who wants to be bold enough to step out but then becomes frightened and seems to be sinking. Generally in life, I have been an individual who tries to play it safe. I weigh all my options and attempt to calculate the possible outcomes of my decisions before making an attempt. There have been a few rare occasions when I have stepped out quickly but soon rush towards safety once again. Yet, the passage Matthew and the words of John Ortberg challenges us to take risks if we want to achieve some type of success.

A person doing a Google search for motivating quotes involving risk will run across a significant number of quotes. Just search, “without risk there is no reward,” and you will find that quote attributed to a number of individuals. The search will also provide a long list of similar quotes with generally the same message. Yet for so many to promote this concept, there seems to be a limited number of people willing to step out of their boat. There are far fewer churches willing to take the same type of actions.

The reason that I chose this book with its focus on the passage from Matthew for my discussion group was because I felt a need to challenge myself, the members of the group, and the congregation which I was serving to step out of our boats. In this imagery, the boat represents the safe, the familiar, the comfort zone of our lives. As I continued to watch the changes taking place in the world around us, I came to realize that if the church was going to have a meaningful impact on these changes, we would be required to get out of our boats and “walk on water.” In essence, do what we did not think was possible, or we could even understand at the time.

Even though the book was written almost twenty years ago, I still sense there is a need for individual believers and communities of faith to get out of the boats. I realize that we might be frightened. The world is not the world when Christendom reigned. The perception of the church and of Christians have been damaged in the eyes of those who are not engaged at this time. There may even be the feeling for many within the church that this is a hostile time. Historically, when the Church has experienced hostile times (perceived or real), the Church retreats. This is one of the human instincts associated with fight or flight. We hide behind the familiar and in our sanctuaries.

However, I think it is exactly during these times that Jesus stands and calls to us. Jesus invites us to come out onto the stormy waters and meet him. He tries to draw us out of our boats. Why? It is only by getting out of our boats that we are able to achieve something of significance. Jesus wants us to be significant in the world. Not wielding power or exacting our will upon the world but being in the midst of the world’s storm, so we can provide assurance and presence. During our personal life storms, Jesus is present with us and assuring us we are not alone. He calls us to do the same during the storms which the world is experiencing. By being present, we can demonstrate what it means to love as Jesus has shown us love.

The challenge remains… are you going to get out of the boat? Are our churches willing to get out of the boat? Remember — If you want to walk on water (do something significant), you have to be willing to get out of the boat (take the risk).

It Is Okay

During my personal and professional life, I have experienced a fair amount of loss. Most individuals can make the same statement. There has been the death of family and friends. Loss of relationships have occurred. The death of cherished pets has happened. Changes in employment and locations where I have lived are parts of my life. Age and the process of growing older has brought about loss of abilities (and hair). Professionally I have had the honor of walking alongside others as they have experienced these types of loss and ones which are not mentioned. In each of these situations, one aspect has been similar and yet so different, grief has been present.

Grief is a part of life which is an unwieldy beast. The challenge in our experience with grief is that it is never the same in each situation and refuses to abide by a predictable time frame or predictable expressions. Grief is something which denies us the ability to be in control. However, well-meaning individuals and professionals have attempted to control grief and our responses to grief. The attempts are weak and often futile.

Since grief is an emotion, it is triggered by a variety of life encounters and situations. At times, we can experience grief but not even be consciously aware of what we are experiencing. This emotion manifests itself in so many ways, including physically and psychologically. Grief is also personal in nature like other emotions. At times, we may be able to see similarities in the manner in which we experience grief just as do others. Other times, our grief may be beyond comparison. In some situations, grief may become noticeable to us in small starts and stops. Or grief may come in waves with varied duration of time both in how long we sense it and how long there are breaks between waves.

In my experiences of grief in my life, as well as walking along with others during their times of grief, I have these observations:

  • There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Do not allow someone to tell you what you should be doing with your grief or judge how you live through grief.
  • Grief is not limited to times of death. Any time we have loss of any type in our lives, grief can be present.
  • Each person and each instance is different.
  • While there may appear to be various stages, these do not always exist in a neat order or repeat themselves. What does exist is the manner in which people deal with grief may have some similarities but also can be extremely different.
  • Do NOT put a time frame on your grief nor let anyone else attempt to do so.
  • There are no magic words or actions which can remove grief from your life or the life of anyone else. Grief is an emotion which takes its own course.
  • It is okay to grieve. It is okay to respond to grief as you feel is best for you. Every person and every situation is different. Grief operates outside of rules so do not put rules on how you respond to it.
  • Having a trusted friend or professional who you are able to honestly share your grief experience with helps but it does not magically remove the grief. Instead, it allows someone to walk alongside you through your grief and to remind you that whatever you are experiencing is okay.

I want to leave you with this one thought whether you are currently experiencing grief in your life or you can hopefully remember when you do experience grief — However you respond to grief and however grief enters your life, IT IS OKAY

Big Picture

Sometimes it can be so easy to get wrapped up in details that you lose track of the big picture. Another way of saying this is the frequently used cliche, “can’t see the forest for the trees.” A person gets so focused on the little details that remembering the initiating goal is forgotten. This often happens in the church. People begin focusing on every detail of a project or how to accomplish a mission that they lose track of why the project or mission came to be important.

In April of this year, I wrote a series of blog posts about the purpose of the Church (see Purpose of the Church, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3). I discussed specific aspects of what it means to be the Church. A one sentence definition which I place before you now is this: “The Church exists to demonstrate the love of God to the world and show what it means to be in relationship with God.” This is the forest which often gets lost in the everyday life of a congregation.

Within the church, we spend too much time arguing about the details of fulfilling the Great Commission (see Matthew 28:16-20). We discuss endlessly in committee and board meetings how much money to spend, who is going to be managing the mission, and how we are going to hold everyone accountable for the mission. We wordsmith everything to make sure that we clearly define boundaries and expectations so that no loopholes or confusion exist. Requirements are established; techniques are evaluated; and limitations are set. Our skills in exhausting the details often exhaust us and in the end any enthusiasm for doing the mission is diminished or destroyed.

The leaders of the congregation cannot be fully blamed for this problem. Part of the blame comes from outside of the church completely. We have become a society that spends a lot of time haggling over the details. If someone does not like the results of work done by a group or an individual, complaints escalate and may even result in litigation. Mistakes are not tolerated or acceptable in our lives anymore. All of this creeps into the church because too often we try to imitate corporations and our human behaviors become the norm inside the church just as they are outside the church.

Another problem that leads to being too wrapped up in the details stems from fear. As mentioned above, we have become intolerable toward mistakes. This creates a fear on each person’s part that she/he will make a mistake which will lead to ridicule and personal attacks. Each detail is hashed out over and over to prevent a mistake from occurring and negative consequences resulting. Our fear of failure rules our actions and choices.

What suffers because of this is the big picture. We are unable to focus on demonstrating the love of God and the meaning of being in relationship with God because we have to get all the details correct. On those rare occasions when we do successfully demonstrate these things, it is often because something has forced us to move away from the details and just do. Thank goodness for the Holy Spirit who encourages these times of being forced away from the details.

If you are a leader in the church, or more importantly a member of a congregation, I encourage you to constantly remind yourself and others of the big picture. Look for those times when the focus on details need to be thwarted. Create an atmosphere which allows mistakes and offers forgiveness. Remind each other that failure is only when action is not taken.

The Unexpected

I hope that some of you have noticed an absence in my posts over the last two weeks. Let me explain why you have not seen any posts from me lately.

When we moved to Fort Worth almost a year ago, we made the decision that we would rent a house for the first year. This would give us the opportunity to learn our new community and decide which areas would be a good fit for us. It was a fantastic idea. We quickly came to realize that we enjoyed the area of Fort Worth in which our rental home was located. We also came to understand that the neighborhood in which we were living was nice but not the one where we wanted to settle permanently. Our original time frame was to start seriously looking for the right house in November and if we did not locate the one, we could always extend our lease month by month if necessary. However, our plans changed and events occurred very quickly.

The first catalyst for our change of plans was receiving contact from the rental company on behalf of the owners of our property in September. The woman who spoke with my husband indicated that the owners wanted us to consider purchasing the home from them. This offer took us by surprise which led us into a discussion about our permanent home sooner than we had anticipated. The conditions which the current owners were placing on their offer seemed unreasonable to us even if the price sounded very good. My husband contacted the realtor who we worked with during our hunt for a rental home, and the one who we had decided would be our choice during our search for a house to buy. She agreed that the price was right but the terms were not. She also informed us after hearing our original plans that if we were to go to a month-by-month rental agreement, the owners would likely raise our rent approximately $300 a month. We were not willing to pay the additional amount so our timeline was moved up. Our lease was over on December 31, so we would need to vacate by that time.

Along comes the next catalyst for change. Since we were going to have to find a home quicker than planned, we moved up the search process start to be October and hopefully locate a house by November. If this time frame worked, we would not have a mortgage payment until January, so no month would have a rent and mortgage payment at the same time. The last weekend in September we decided to begin attending some open houses. The first home we visited was nice. It had great curb appeal along with some amenities which were inviting. The asking price was well below our top target price so that was a plus as well. The major drawback was that it was a two-story home, and we were hoping to find a single story home. The location was also outside of our preferred area. We went to two more open houses that weekend. One home was definitely not viable for us. The third was a possibility but once again was outside of our target area and the price was at the top of our budget. Since we had agreed that it would be unwise to buy the first house we viewed, we planned to move on in our search. My husband did contact our realtor on Sunday night to update her on what we had seen and set up a time to view some houses with her.

Then came the early Monday morning call. Our realtor had contacted the seller’s realtor to get more information on the first home which we liked. She called my husband as he was leaving for work to inform us that the sellers had received an offer over the weekend and were planning on determining if they would accept that offer or not by noon on Monday. Now what do we do? After a conversation, we agreed to make an offer a bit higher than the asking price. By early afternoon, we had received word that our offer had been verbally accepted by the seller. Now it was time to scramble to lock in financing and begin the endless amount of paperwork. We were on the road to becoming homeowners once again and October had not even begun.

I am not going to go through the nightmare of all the paperwork related to securing financing for a home in this post. I will save that for a future post. However, the next two weeks amounted to telling the lending company everything about us in minute detail and providing documents to prove what we said. Then it was wait time to see if we were approved for the loan. In the meantime, I had to set up an inspector for the home, secure a moving company, and begin getting utilities turned off at the rental while turning them on at the new house. The closing date of November 15 was our agreed upon target. At least we had decided to let the moving company pack us so that was one item off our list of to-do’s.

Everything was approved and our timeline was going to work out. Our official move date would be November 26 (which I had mistakenly thought was the week after Thanksgiving). Because of my mistake in planning around Thanksgiving, we were packed on Monday, moved on Tuesday, and celebrated Thanksgiving with friends on Thursday. Now you understand why my posts were less frequent for a few weeks and non-existent for a couple of weeks.

Throughout this whole process, I again discovered God at work in our lives. Through the Lord, we maneuvered the unexpected and found more than what we had originally hoped to find. We are now settled into our new home and as of this weekend, decorated for Christmas. The anticipation that accompanies Advent became a real experience for us as we officially began establishing roots in our Texas home. Thanks be to God!

I am back on track and will resume my writing. Please look for future posts on a more regular schedule.